Friday, December 28, 2007

My nephew is a genius!

Between when I last saw him in September and December, he learned so many things! He walks and speaks in two languages!

He says:
Mama
Dada
Ni-Ni (Night Night)
Up (Which can either mean pick me up or put me down. Basically, move me now)
Open
Ball
I know there are other words he knows, but he says these consistently.


He can use sign language to say:
Eat
Milk
More
Done

When you say "High Five" he gives you a high five.
When you say "Bye bye" he blows kisses. This works whether you are actually saying goodbye or singing the Nsync song.


His favorite book is a Dora the Explorer boardbook, even though he's never seen the show. But he also enjoyed the school bus book when I said "Beep Beep" and poked him in the stomach.

He started this adorable thing where if he wants to sit in your lap he'll walk up to within a foot of you, turn around and slowly reverse backwards into your lap.

He is excellent at ripping off wrapping paper and throwing the paper. And then abandoning the new toy to play with tupperware.

He is also quite skilled at pretending the foam stick give away from the Michigan Basketball game is a sword and stabbing his aunt with the stick. This activity is especially enjoyable if she screams and acts out a prolonged death scene, a la Paul Reubens in Buffy the Vampire Slayer (the movie).




Thursday, December 20, 2007

I actually said this in response to a story I heard today

"I cannot imagine the circumstances under which I would have to chase a midget out of my kitchen. How could a midget be in your kitchen eating directly out of your crockpot and without your knowledge? What has to happen to a person to get to the point where you just stumble upon something like that?"

Friday, December 14, 2007

Just another afternoon in the shrink's office.

The other day, my therapist asked me the most bizarre question after majorly misunderstanding something I'd said. It was the result of me talking too fast and underestimating her knowledge of circa 2000 pop culture.

I was talking about a former friend from my college days. She and I were in Women's Studies courses together and active in the feminist community on campus. We both ended up in the Bay Area after graduation where she started dating a lesbian separatist. Her girlfriend was pretty hard core. Basically no movies, books, music, etc by men. No male friends, etc. My friend was torn between sympathizing with her girlfriend's politics while feeling restricted by how small her world had become as the result of the rules governing their every decision.

This is what I said:

"She would basically sneak over to my place to watch things like the SNL movie The Ladies Man. As feminists, we both recognized that the character is sexist, but we could still watch it because at the end of the day it's relatively harmless."

To which my therapist replied, "So she would sneak over to your apartment so you could watch S&M porn together?!".

I can only imagine what my therapist was thinking when she thought I'd blurted out quite casually:

"She would basically sneak over to my place to watch things like the S&M movie, The Ladies Man. As feminists, we both recognized that the character is sexist, but we could still watch it because at the end of the day it's relatively harmless."

Anyone that knows me well (including my therapist) knows that myself (and my former friend) would never characterize porn as "harmless," especially SM porn. For my therapist to have heard me blurt that out after 2 years of hearing about my vanilla existence made the misunderstanding all the more hilarious to me.

Monday, December 10, 2007

I went to middle school with this guy!

First I heard him on This American Life. Then he showed up on BoingBoing.net the other day. His name is Gabriel Delahaye (I remember him being called Gabe back in the day) and I think he's pretty funny!

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Smitty is tapping into her rage...

...someone head her off before she hits her stride. Hide the SoBe bottles.

KT - You are the winner!

Just when I thought I had the lesbian drama to end all drama, I get a phone call from my homegirl in D-town. She went on a "friends maybe more" blind date with a girl from Myspace. Turns out the date has a girlfriend...in prison! For having sex with a 15 year old girl! There's nothing like a blind date that puts you 1 degree of separation from a registered sex offender to put one's own drama into perspective.

Monday, December 03, 2007

No Christmas List is complete without a copy!

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