Monday, November 19, 2007

Reason # 32,7462 I know being gay is not a choice...

Effing Dyke Drama!

Nobody would voluntarily sign up for this shiz.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

So I had this dream/nightmare the other night...

It started off in a German beer garden. I see an American woman who is trying to figure out which bathroom is the women's restroom because the signs are in German and she can't read them. I remember thinking she was an obnoxious American, not because she couldn't read German, but because of the way she was asking for help. She was speaking really loudly in English and drawing a picture of a woman and then pointing to some doors that weren't even the bathroom doors. At some point I realize that my girlfriend is also at the beer garden, but she's not sitting with me. I feel disconcerted that she's not sitting with me. Is she mad at me? I'm not sure.

Cut to...

My girlfriend kissing her ex-girlfriend! WTF?

Cut to...

My mom and I are on a tandem bike of some sort, except only my mom is peddling, but I have my own seat. My mom is in front and I'm holding onto the hood of her sweatshirt while holding up a flashlight to light our way. We are looking for my girlfriend who has gone missing. While on the bike we pass her ex and a bunch of their friends who are also out looking for her. I'm feeling pretty panicked when we see this little girl on the side of the road. She is very pale, barefoot, wearing a white dress. She is trying to flag my mom and I down, saying that she needs help. All I can say is that this girl is creepy. Like the twin girls in The Shining kind of creepy (except there is only one of her). My mom and I instinctively don't stop, deciding that we'll go around the block one more time. If we don't find my girlfriend and the little girl is still asking for help when we come back around, we'll stop. I keep thinking the girl has something to do with my girlfriend's disappearance and I really don't want to go into the little girl's house. My mom and I circle around and just as we are about to come around the bend where the little girl will be...

...the alarm clock goes off!

I roll over and ask my girlfriend why she was kissing her ex. I've been giving her shit about it for days (jokingly).

Anyone out there in cyberspace do dream analysis?

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Mr. Semple

They moved in across the street when I was in 2nd grade, but I already knew them from church. Father, mother, daughter, son. The daughter and I were in the same grade. The dad died on Monday. He was only 58, the same age as both my parents.

At my childhood swim meets, I could always hear him cheering and whistling, even while in the water. He used the same whistle to summon his children for dinner or for bed when we were playing kick the can or having tennis ball wars in the street. Often, he'd open the back hatch of their wood paneled station wagon, load up all the neighborhood kids, and take us to the DQ. I cut through their yard to go to the park and fed their dog when they were at the lake.

He was meticulous about his yard. Mowing, raking, hosing down the driveway. Whether I was 8 or 28, he'd yell my name from his yard whenever he saw me. When the cancer meds made him jittery and restless, he took to mowing the lawn twice a week and raking obsessively. My mom jokingly took some leaves from our yard to his yard so he'd have more to rake.

He had terrible taste in TV and movies. He'd watch anything and he'd watch it over and over. "My big fat obnoxious fiancee"? Yeah, he'd watch that type of stuff.

He was huge Michigan fan. He ushered at all the basketball games; attended U of M club meetings every Monday with my mom. When I was in middle school and too cool to sit with my parents at the basketball game, I'd make my rounds around the arena and always visit his section.

He was a banker and handled my parents' accounts. My mom would take me to the bank with her and I'd always try to visit him. When I saw his office was decorated in Michigan colors, I painted a rock yellow and blue and told him it was for his office. He still had it on his desk when I opened my first checking account for college (he gave me Charlie Brown novelty checks at no extra charge).

The last time I saw him was at his son's wedding this summer. His son married an Ohio State girl, Michigan's biggest rival. The wedding was in Ohio and he changed into a blue vest and yellow bow tie for the reception. His funeral is on Saturday, college football day. Instead of a wake, there will be a tail gate. My mom said the only thing about this weekend she is looking forward to is watching his friends from Ohio eat off of maize and blue plates.