Friday, May 04, 2007

I'd be embarassed if I still cared about the job.

Tonight, at the theatre where I work part-time, I helped stuff envelopes for a mailing being sent out by the theatre's education department. The letter was so poorly written it was laughable.

These are letters sent to teachers in hopes they'll bring their students to the theatre on field trips. I'm sure they're going to be impressed with what our director of education had to say in her letter.

This was the second sentence:
"We are thrilled to offer this American Classic to you and your students as so many of you have requested that we do so."

Huh? First of all, none of the letter recipients care how many requests were supposedly received. So the sentence would've been most straight forward and effective this way:

"We are thrilled to offer this American Classic to you and your students." Period.

If you just can't help but brag about this deluge of requests you've received, then phrase it this way:

"We are thrilled to offer this American Classic to you and your students as many of you have requested." (No, not SO many)

But under no circumstances was it necessary to continue beyond that. But again, if you just can't help yourself...

"We are thrilled to offer this American Classic to you and your students as so many of you have requested that we do." You simply cannot end that sentence in "so."

Onto the next cringe-worthy statement. In a description of one of next season's student matinees:

"When a young nun is found unconscious and bleeding with a dead baby nearby...".

Dead baby? Revolting. Doesn't that seem a little crass? Let's consult a thesaurus and replace "dead baby" with less visceral wording. How about, "deceased infant'?


In another description:
"The central character is a performance artist who is about to present a performance art piece".
So what is it that performance artists do exactly? Performance art you say?

On the actual subscription form, the educators were offered the opportunity to sign up for an "Immersion Day*".

Were you hoping I would explain what an Immersion Day is, perhaps in a corresponding asterisked footnote? Yeah, well, so are the teachers attempting to fill out the form.

1 comment:

coryq said...

I love floating asterisks.