Thursday, March 22, 2007

An open letter to the man that chucked a computer at my girlfriend

Dear Dickweed,

Imagine, for a moment, what it must've been like for her:

It is a lazy Sunday afternoon. After working a full 40 hour work week at 1 of your 3 jobs, you've slept in as long as possible to still get to your 2nd job on time. Job #2 out of 3 is at the Apple store in a the mall of a wealthy suburb. So you're used to taking a fair amount of crap from rich S.O.B.s who think they're above the rules. It sucks, but goes with the territory. Still sluggish from the St. Patty's Day festivities the night before, you've only been at work for twenty minutes when you hear a ruckus in another area of the store. Investigating, you discover an irate customer who has just discovered, *gasp*, that warranties are null and void when the repairs needed are due to customer error. The next thing you know, a soaring laptop has slammed into your shoulder. That'll wake you up right quick.

Dickweed, when a customer drops their Macbook and dents the hard drive (as in your case), puts an iPod Shuffle through the wash, or keeps their uncovered iPod under heavy textbooks in their backpack, Apple would be happy to repair the damage, but they aren't going to incur those costs. It sucks sure, but that's life. Accidents and Stupidness happen. Name me one corporation that pays for damage that is the customer's fault.

And even if you still think the policy is totally unfair, that laptops should be more durable, that you are entitled to repairs others are happy to pay, who did you decide to take it out on? The messenger? The customer service rep who has no power to change the rules you want to challenge? Not my first choice, but maybe you're that asshole. Maybe you shout some profanities and get in their face even though part of you knows that they are powerless to fix the problem. Happens all the time.

But shouting, "Forget it! I don't even want this computer!" and hurling it willy nilly across the room, and into my girlfriend? Shaking her up and bruising her shoulder (and no doubt damaging your computer even more) in the process? Fuck you! That's crossing the mutha fucking line! She wasn't even the one you were having the confrontation with (not that it would've been okay to hit the other guy).

I wish the other Apple employees hadn't already called mall security on your ass. Or that they realized right away you'd physically hurt someone. Because security came shortly after you assaulted my girlfriend and escorted you out of the mall. When it should've been the police taking you away in handcuffs.

Which is what will happen if you ever return to the store. An after-the-fact police report has been filed. Your image has been pulled from the security camera footage and displayed in the store. And if you enter it again, you'll be arrested. I almost hope you do come back, just to see your ass get nailed. Maybe you won't see this internet warning and will come back. After all, you left your precious laptop behind.

A usually tame lesbian you managed to turn into a crazed vengeful psycho dyke.

03/25/07 Update: Dickweed apparently didn't get the internet warning. P-funk just called to say he came back to the store today and got himself arrested! P-funk spotted him first, wandering around the front of the store. She alerted the manager, who double checked the photo of him posted in the back, confirmed it was him, and called the cops. He eventually approached an employee about his "computer he left here to get repaired." She stalled him by "checking in the back" for his computer, which gave the cops enough time to get there and cuff him. When told why he was being apprehended, he said, "I didn't know I hit anyone." Thanks for admitting you threw the computer, dumbass. I'll update with any more details as I get them, P-funk and I only had a quick conversation as we were both working when she called. This is so awesome. I only wish he hadn't come back when she was working.

1 comment:

coryq said...

"Checking on a computer he left for service". Nice.