Last Sunday, P-funk, Doyle, Jess and I went to the Gay 90's for the "Miss Gay Northern Star" Drag Pageant. The winner and first runner up go on to compete in the National Miss Gay USofA Pageant in Texas. I have to say, I was a bit disappointed: there were only two rounds, evening gown and talent (talent = lip syncing). I guess I was expecting other categories. Bathing suit certainly would've been interesting. I've seen other drag queens go on stage with as little as a thong and pasties before, so a bikini actually isn't outside the realm of possibility. But one of the things I like about drag queens is that the full bodied curvaceous queens can complete as equals with the skinny bitches. So I'm glad swimsuit wasn't a category. But I would've loved an interview portion with the judges. There could've been questions like "If you could be either Paris Hilton, Christina Aguilera, Tyra Banks or Lindsay Lohan for a day, who would you be, and why?"
Also, there were only 3 contestants! So that meant 3/4 of the competitors are going to Nationals! Maybe there were preliminary rounds that I didn't know about and these were the finalists. But I was a tad bit surprised when the pageant itself probably only took up 45 minutes of the show and the rest were performances by the usual La Femme showgirls and some special guests.*
For the evening gown competition, the contestants flaunted their stuff, sashaying about slowly, pausing in front of the judges to pose and lift their dresses to show off their shoes. Meanwhile, the MC would tell the audience the dress designer, hair stylist, make-up artist, etc. Usually, these helpers were other drag queens, so you'd hear things like: Brandonna's dress is designed by Shamika Dupris, hair by Nina D'Angelo, makeup by BeBe Benay. Awesome.
Contestant Mahogany Blue was wearing a shimmery green sequined number with a halter top. Similar in style to this dress, it had a plunging neckline with two vertical strips of fabric covering the chest that met behind her neck, like a halter top. Mahogany was mid-sashay when the wardrobe malfunction occurred. The neck strap snapped, gravity took over, and the next thing you knew, there were two fake titties (and separate nipple enhancers) tumbling to the floor! Essentially, she was now naked from the waist up (that is just how much the neckline plunged). I gotta give Mahogany credit, she was the consummate professional. She just held the dress together behind her neck and continued her parade, occasionally switching the hand that was holding the dress to give the other arm a chance to look graceful.
I can only imagine that all decorum was lost backstage, when she confronted the dress designer, Simone LaRue, with her fake-nailed fingers contorted into a gnarled talon of goddess rage!
In the end, Mahogany came in last. Who is to say if it was the wardrobe malfunction alone that cost her her chance for the National crown. After all winner Miss Alexis Principle's Tina Turner impression was pretty hard to beat! I thought Mahogany should've won at least Miss Congeniality for how she handled her mishap!
*A note about the special guests. Tiffany T. Hunter was a visiting drag queen from a club in St. Louis. She was an absolute train wreck. At one point, Doyle saw her on her hands and knees in the women's restroom ralphing. Later, she came onstage with toilet tissue stuck to her platform shoe. And she kept bumping into the pillar in that is front center on the 90s stage. Some awkwardness around the obstruction might be expected from a visiting performer, but I think it is safe to say that she was impaired to the point that she kept forgetting the pole was there.
Another visitor was Alyssa Edwards, the winner of a National Pageant. The only way to describe her presence on stage is FOUL. The look on her face was one of complete and utter disdain. Pure evil. A fabulous diva.